Music

I like music…always have. When I was a kid I’d listen to my Mom and Dad’s music:  Neil Diamond, Simon and Garfunkel, Kingston Trio. Again and again (they didn’t have a wide variety). In my teens I listened to all the typical late 70’s, early 80’s stuff. My folks favorite comment was “Turn it down!” My kids don’t have much to choose from for their musical rebellion. I like just about all of it, even the current stuff.   Since we’re Christians, I don’t allow the really blatant “sex, drugs and rock and roll” music to be played or owned but if it’s not too bad, I don’t mind too much. Foo Fighters, 3 Doors down, Family Force 5 are all OK with me. The only things that I don’t care for are gangster rap (or whatever it’s called now) and screamo. Have you heard screamo? It pretty well is a self describing term. Well, my youngest son (the 10th grader) LOVES it.[ NOTE:  He says "it's not screamo Dad, it's Metal Core"...OK] Bek and I just figure that at least one of the kids had to like something that I don’t.

I knew a few kids when I was a teen whose parents didn’t allow them to listen to “that Rock and Roll”.   It didn’t stop anything, just made it secret.  I suppose that’s the case with anything that you feel like you have to put a stop to with your kids.  They’ll either stop or they won’t, they’ll either listen to you or they won’t.  Ultimately it’s really their decision.  It’s a matter of trust and faith.  As a parent, I like to think that I’ve got it together and know what’s going on all the time.  Then I remember when I was a teen and figure I probably don’t.

My point is this:  As a parent, do your best to help your kids make good decisions, and then slowly start letting them make their own.  Try not to start them making their own too soon (or too late) but they will have to make their own decisions soon enough.  Don’t expect them to make the same ones that you would (or did).

Open your hand and let ‘em go.  I know…easier said than done.

Holidays

It’s been a long time since I posted. Maybe I’ll write more this year. Maybe. Well, the holidays are over. Now we have 3 or 4 months of cold, wet, mostly sunless weather to look forward until spring comes. That’s life in Michigan! (and Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, etc).

The holidays were interesting this year. This was Daughter’s second college Christmas and it was great to have her home. It’s nice an noisy again. The three children get along better every time they’re together. Such great kids (parental sigh of satisfaction)! She’s been here going on three weeks now. I think she’s ready to go back (not necessarily to school but to freedom!) Son #1 has a very significant other this year. It’s a little weird, either he’s over there or she’s over here. Not used to that yet. Son #2 got the electric guitar that he was hoping for this year. Hearing a lot of strange noises coming from his room now.

Started attending a new church in the Fall. Our family’s first Christmas in a new church in 13 years. A little strange but it’s good. It was time to go. God is good. It’s nice to be able to say (and feel) that again.

Everything’s not great, job’s kind of boring right now, money’s tight. But the things that matter are good:
God, Family, Health. We have some challenges coming this year: Son #1 is graduating high school, Son #2 is driving (both the car and me crazy). Of course, #2 is 15 now, so my general stupidity is on the rise. It’s been going up since last year. I expect it’ll peak late this year, plateau for a while and then begin the slow downfall.

As my wife and I remind each other often, that’s how it works. Hard to deal with at the time, especially the first time. It gets easier though.

They’re not little anymore

While I was off to college, my Dad had bariatric surgery.  It worked great for him, he lost a lot of weight and in the end he probably lived 10 years longer than he would have had he not had the surgery.  When I’d come home from college he’d want to arm wrestle and I’d always joke my way out of it and get him to arm wrestle my kid brother instead.  I never told him but I didn’t want to arm wrestle because I was pretty sure that I would win.  I’d worked out quite a bit in college and he’d lost a lot of muscle mass along with his weight and there was just no way I wanted beat him.  I always felt like my Dad was invincible and I wanted him to stay that way.

Like my Dad, I always loved to play with the kids when they were little.  Ya know,  pick ‘em up, toss ‘em in the air, etc.  Even now that they’re 15 and 17, being a Dad, I still like to pick the boys up and remind them that I’m in charge (it’s not as easy as it used to be)!

Last summer while we were staying at a hotel, the boys and I were standing at the elevators.  We were joking with each other and fooling around as only guys do, waiting to go down and meet my wife and daughter for dinner, when my youngest boy decided it would be fun to jump on Dad’s back.  Unfortunately I didn’t see him coming and when he jumped on me I fell over backwards.  The look on his face reminded me of the arm wrestling thing with my Dad 20 years ago!  His eyes were huge and he kept apologizing.  It was funny and nothing was damaged except my pride.  I actually felt not just embarrassed, but a little sad that my youngest son knocked me over because now both my sons know I’m not invincible.  I suppose that they already knew that but the look on my youngest son’s face showed that he wasn’t too happy about realizing it.

Spring Break Visit

Daughter is on spring break and home for the week from college. It’s interesting how the family dynamic changes when one of the kids leaves. Then it changes again when they come back home.

When the kids were growing up it always seemed that any two of them would get along great but when you put all three of them in a room, not so much. In the last couple years all three have gotten along pretty well. Being a girl with two brothers, it’s worked out. She helps ‘em with what does and doesn’t look good as far as clothes, hair, etc. They help her to understand boys a little better.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture, believe me over the years they had to work out how to get along. Morning bathroom protocols; who got shotgun when she drove them to school and more importantly who got control of the radio! It’s funny when you have more than one kid, how they work out how to get along with each other. They have their own set of rules based on seniority and each other’s personalities.

Anyway, she rolled in last night with all her dirty clothes and it was noisy again in the house; lot’s of laughing and jokes about “your face”. It was nice.

Who do you “look” like?

Dad’s been gone for 8 or 9 years now I think. People say that I look like him. Personally I don’t see it but I think that my brother looks like him and everyone says that we look alike. Weird. I’ll see him from 20 feet away and call out “geez, you look like Reggie”. Then he says “geez, you look like Reggie”. It’s kind of a ritual now.

I’m pretty close to my brother. My wife would roll her eyes at this statement and say “ya think?” He’s probably my best friend. I like that and hope that my sons will have that type of relationship someday. Every once and a while I see glimmers of their future relationship (older to younger “you’re such a dork”, younger to older “oh yeah, well you’re a breadbox!”). My brother and I have a pretty good time together too. We share the irritations and joys of our lives. We also laugh a lot. We share a weird sense of humor that our wives don’t always get (Dad didn’t get it either, we got that from Mom).

What’s the point that I’m trying to get at? Well…I’m not sure.

My wife says that I have a lot of my Dad’s mannerisms, I see that in my brother too. My wife says that I have a lot of the good qualities of my Dad. He loved his wife and was with her until the day he died. He would kiss her right in front of us (gross). He was proud of my brother (and sister) and I and he was never afraid to tell us. He loved all of us kids and he was never afraid to tell us so. He also told us when we messed up. About 10 years ago, he was harping on me about something (don’t remember what) and I told him to shut up. I was over 30 and didn’t need him telling me what to do! A week or so later he was over at our house and he told me that I shouldn’t be talking to him like that. I apologized and that was the end of it but I realized that I was never too old to show respect to my Dad.

People tell my wife and I that we have “good kids”. They’re always impressed with their manners and how they conduct themselves. We just say thanks, we think they’re pretty great too. I see other teens all the time these days, some that I think are good kids and some that aren’t. We count our blessing and thank the Lord for our kids and how they’ve turned out (so far). We’re certainly not the “PERFECT PARENTS”, and sometimes we cringe at all the mistakes that we’ve made (and continue to make).

There are a few things that I know we do right. We’re proud of our kids and aren’t afraid to say so. We love our kids and we aren’t afraid to say so. I demand respect for my wife from the kids. She does the same for me. I tell my kids all the time that they’re lucky that they have the Mom they do. She does the same for me. We pray for our kids and we’re not afraid to say so. I love my wife and I kiss her right in front of ‘em.

Thanks Dad.

Hello world!

OK, here we go. My first blog ever. I’ve been kicking around the idea of starting a blog but wasn’t sure what the heck to write about. What do I know…well, I haven’t killed any of my teens yet, that’s not bad…we’ll go with that!

So this blog won’t be full of advice, I’m not sure I’m that worthy of giving advice. Actually, I’m not sure what this blog will be yet. At this point I just hope you’re not bored and enjoy reading what I write. Time will tell.

My daughter’s home from college for the weekend (freshman) and since all three were here on a Saturday night, my wife and I thought it’d be nice to play a game as a family. Some friends of ours just taught us a new card game called Golf. Well, new to us anyway, and the oldest boy said “Oh, I hate that game, I don’t want to play”, and the girl says, with a grimace, “I don’t really like that game”. So what’s a good dad to do? Of course, guilt them into it!

Anyway, long story short, we ended up playing and after a couple of grumpy rounds, we all had a great time, laughing, making fun of each other, eating cookies and generally having fun. What’s the moral of the story? Sometimes kids (especially teens) forget that it’s fun to be together as a family instead of doing their own thing, and sometimes parents (dads) need to push a little for family time and not cave in to a teens generally selfish attitude.

Oops, was that advice? Well, sometimes I even surprise myself and do the right thing!